90min's Definitive European Power Rankings 2020/21: Week 15 - Golden Globes special
Following a week in which:
- Liverpool lost at Anfield AGAIN.
- Southampton were beaten 9-0 AGAIN.
- Cristiano Ronaldo scored from the penalty spot AGAIN .
- The Golden Globes nominees melted every cinephile's head AGAIN.
We at 90min have collated the best quotes from said Golden Globe nominees to rank the 15 best teams in Europe.
15. Ajax (Re-Entry)
“14 year ago I released a moviefilm which was great success in US & A, but Kazakhstan become a laughing stocks around world.” (Borat's Subsequent Move Film)
Look, we could pretend that Ajax have made the Definitive European Power Rankings this week because of the fact that they're top of the Eredivisie, or that they've won their last six games, but that's not why they've made the cut.
They've made the cut because they went full Football Manager 2021 this week and forgot to add Sebastien Haller to their Europa League squad.
Which is hilarious.
That commitment to comedy deserves some recognition.
Bravo, Ajax. Bravo.
14. Barcelona (Re-Entry)
"A hot f***ing mess." (Promising Young Woman)
Barcelona are pretty close to being bankrupt, their best player (Lionel Messi) is planning to sue some of the club's officials, and said best player is also dying to leave the club.
BUT, somehow, Barcelona aren't actually that bad at the moment. They've won their last five games in a row actually.
All of this leads us to say that Barça are a hot f**king mess.
13. AC Milan (Re-Entry)
"Lift your head and fight for yourself." (Pieces of a Woman)
AC Milan heads could've very easily dropped after their slight dip in form recently - especially considering Milan were never really supposed to be this good to begin with.
However, they didn't drop their heads. Instead, they kept them held high and bounced back with an important with over Bologna. Nice one.
12. Inter (Down 9)
"No use hiding from the piper, he has to be paid." (Promising Young Woman)
Look, dropping Inter down nine places after one defeat is harsh. We know it's harsh. Don't worry.
That's just what we're all about at DEPR headquarters. We're all about calling out teams when they lose.
That's what we do.
So, Inter you lost to Juventus. That's not good.
Ashley Young's performance was also not good. Not good at all.
Sort it out.
11. Sporting CP (Up 3)
"I’m such a f***ing perfectionist." (Promising Young Woman)
Yes, this is your weekly reminder that Sporting CP are STILL unbeaten in Liga NOS.
They've now won 13 of their 16 league games this season, and beat their fiercest rivals Benfica this past week.
Perfectionists.
10. VfL Wolfsburg (New Entry)
“It is possible to change the world whether you are a homely middle aged first lady, or a Broadway star!” (The Prom)
Wolfsburg are proof that it is possible to challenge for the Bundesliga title if you are a mid-table team that's owned by a massive car company.
Die Wolfes have won their last four games in all competitions, and with Wout Weghorst banging in the goals at a ridiculous rate, that purple patch could continue in the weeks to come.
9. Paris Saint-Germain (Up 1)
"One of the things I love most about this life is that there’s no final goodbye." (Nomadland)
Somewhat surprisingly, PSG fans won't have to give Neymar a final goodbye this summer as the Brazilian forward is set to sign a contract extension at the club.
Is this due to his love for the club? Probably not...no...
Is this due to Barcelona and Real Madrid being completely skint? Probably...yes...
Still, you take the W PSG fans. Take that W.
8. SS Lazio (Up 1)
"This isn’t the Great Beyond. It’s the Great Before." (Soul)
*Whisper it* Lazio are actually in the Serie A title race despite everyone thinking that they were done as Scudetto challengers after they bottled the title last season.
7. West Ham United (-)
"You cannot capture a man's entire life in two hours. All you can hope is to leave the impression of one." (Mank)
Usually you can't ascertain whether or not a signing is a great one in the space of an hour and a half.
However on Wednesday night, Jesse Lingard proved - in just an hour and a half - that he is a fantastic signing for West Ham with his brace in a win at Villa Park. Great stuff.
6. Rangers (-)
"I'm due. Heck, I'm overdue." (Soul)
Sensing that a league title triumph was perhaps a bit overdue (they haven't won one in the last decade), Rangers have decided to go out and win one this season.
They're now a quite ridiculous 23 points clear of Celtic in the SPFL and have only conceded *checks notes* seven goals all season.
5. Juventus (Up 3)
"That, my friend, is the magic of the movies." (Mank)
About three weeks ago Juventus went to San Siro and were ripped limb from limb by Inter.
On Wednesday night, Juventus went to San Siro and beat that same Inter team 2-1 in the Coppa Italia.
That doesn't make any sense, but that, my friend, is the magic of football.
4. Bayern Munich (Down 2)
"Good day so far?" (Palm Springs)
Being a Bayern Munich fan must be nice.
You wake up everyday knowing that your football team won a treble last season and will probably win another treble this season.
That must be nice.
3. Manchester City (Up 1)
"You see, the situation is very simple." (The Father)
The situation in the Premier League title race is very simple: Manchester City are going to come out on top because they're the only team that look remotely capable of stringing consecutive wins together.
2. Atletico Madrid (Down 1)
"There's a golden age coming." (Mank)
With Barcelona nearly bankrupt and Real Madrid nearly completely hopeless, Atletico Madrid have a real opportunity to win a boatload of domestic trophies in the next few years.
And, judging by the fact they're ten points clear at the top of La Liga (with a game in hand), it looks like they're ready to take that opportunity.
1. Manchester United (Up 4)
“Very nice!” (Borat's Subsequent Move Film)
Obviously there's a few teams that are better than Man Utd on this list.
Man City are literally ahead of them in the Premier League table, Bayern are literally the European champions etc.
But none of those teams won 9-0 in midweek, did they?
No, no they didn't.
Manchester United did win 9-0 - that's why they're top of the Definitive European Power Rankings this week.