Football players and managers who are in the wrong career
By Mitch Wilks
Look, we all love football here and if you're fortunate enough to chase a career in the professional game, then you'd be silly not to put your life into it.
Be it on the pitch, in the dugout or behind the scenes representing a player, the opportunity to work at the very pinnacle of one of the most popular sports on the planet is unimaginable for so many. With that being said, there are plenty of people in football who would most definitely thrive in another career.
The wrong sport, or the wrong industry as a whole, 90min has picked out the people within football who would thrive with a drastic career change.
30. Lee Grant - Match official
Nothing too drastic for Grant, who showed in 2020/21 that he's more than just a veteran third choice goalkeeper.
Grant has been seen waving around the substitutions board in the past, so let's have him in the referee's office getting decked out with vanishing spray and the rest. Football authority will never look back.
29. David Beckham - Tattoo artist
Now, Inter Miami is of course in its very early days, but it's not too late for Beckham to swiftly step back a bit and head in a new direction.
England's sweetheart is covered in tattoos, and considering how devilishly handsome he is, we'd like some of that too. Get a gun David, and get inking.
28. Cristiano Ronaldo - Business CEO
Let's just get this one out the way, because he's already making it happen.
CR7 branded everything. Underwear, aftershave, hotels. Next you'll be asking Becks for a CR7 tattoo.
27. Mikel Arteta - Magician
Arteta would slot right into a role alongside Dynamo. No, not because he's worked wonders since becoming manager of Arsenal, but the opposite.
It's spellbinding how he's managed to keep himself in a top job for so long, in truth. If he took whatever he was doing behind the scenes there onto the big stage, his stock would boom.
26. Ben Foster - YouTuber
While the veteran goalkeeper has already taken to the camera on his YouTube channel in the latter years of his playing career, we want to see him stick it full-time.
Hold nothing back, Ben. Follow the trends, get the collaborations flowing. Do whatever it is that the cool kid YouTubers do these days, for us football fans.
25. Jurgen Klopp - Head of merchandise
The rate at which Klopp gets through Liverpool training/matchday gear on the touchline, the club could run without any sponsors.
The man is a walking advertising board for Anfield. And with his knack for good results and passion, putting him in a full-time sales role would see the Reds shift product like never before. The real American dream. Or German.
24. Phil Jones - Physio
Without bashing Jones too much, he's spent more than enough time in the treatment room throughout his playing career to have surely picked up the tricks of the trade.
Put the boots away and get the table out, Phil. But just be careful doing it; can't be getting injured on day one of the new venture.
23. Sean Dyche - Nightclub doorman
'What's that t-shirt? Hugo Boss? Yeah not tonight mate. Do one'.
Zero nonsense from the Premier League's most British at heart manager. He'll take that defensive solidity to the front step of every pub and club in the country. Good luck trying to sneak in past big Sean.
22. Wayne Rooney - Boxer
Having been humbled by Phil Bardsley in a kitchen one time and coming up with an ace celebration off the back of it, Rooney should really hone the craft of boxing.
Doing what his teammate Rio Ferdinand couldn't do, it's time to obtain that fighting licence and get in the ring for good. Sure, management is fun, but boxing would be much more fun.
21. Daniel James - Sprinter
Keeping in the sports field, while James is criticised for his lack of end product these days, one thing he does have is pace. Lots of it.
It only gets you so far in football, though, which is exactly why he should simply take up sprinting instead. His size compared to most sprinters would cause some shock and hopefully earn him a medal.
20. Mario Balotelli - Fireman
Having famously set off fireworks in his bathroom when at Manchester City, you'd hope that Balotelli has grown up, changed his ways and learned from mistakes.
Give him a shed load of water and protective gear and surely he can't go wrong when it comes to putting out fires. Surely.
19. Graham Potter - Humanities teacher
You know the one. Mr. Potter, with the tweed blazer and the Oasis mug he uses every morning.
Grown a beard over the summer and it's working, in fairness. You hated him in year seven; proper shouty. Took over the football team, though, and cracks jokes with you these days. He's alright, is Graham.
18. Adebayo Akinfenwa - Strongman
Garnering a reputation for being the strongest man in all of football, Akinfenwa's career knows no bounds.
And for as solid a career he has had throughout the EFL, he's being wasted in football. Akinfenwa could absolutely destroy strongman competitions around the world with his build.
17. Thomas Muller - Comedian
Not in the stand up sense - we've seen those press conferences - but there is potential there with Muller.
Sure, he's ridiculously good at football and the game would miss him sorely, but TV is calling his name. If anyone can make a series that's so perfectly painful and cringeworthy to watch in 2021, it's Muller. He's got plenty of humour dying to come out.
16. Sam Allardyce - Club owner
With Dyche on the door getting rid of the dibble despite riding solo, Big Sam is in the office upstairs attracting the custom.
If anyone can get a party going and a working men's club bouncing, it's Allardyce. Swooping in and bringing a club back from the death like he does with relegation-threatened sides, football has its very own Brian Potter stood waiting for the chance.
15. James Tarkowski - Labourer
Very much like his style of play, Tarkowski's work off the field would be incredibly clean, built with passion and a bit of grit, often going unnoticed.
If there's any player in the game you could hand pick to fit your roof slates or cement your driveway, it's Tarkowski. You can see him in the hard hat now. It's meant to be.
14. Michail Antonio - Comedian
While Muller is definitely more of a script writing type comedian, Antonio has got it in him to take himself into stand-up.
Be it cracking jokes post match or coming up with incredible celebrations in the heat of the moment, the Englishman has the perfect blend of wit, passion and charisma to make a stand-up set feel incredible.
13. Adama Traore - WWE
Abs on abs, biceps bigger than my house and unrelenting athleticism. That's the ideal recipe for a WWE superstar in the eyes of Vince McMahon.
Traore will need a bit of time to get a proper character nailed down, but with that, there's a world title run sat waiting for him to take.
12. Steph Houghton - WWE
Move over Charlotte Flair, there's a new sheriff in town.
Houghton has dominated the women's game with unrelenting leadership, exceptional ability and years of experience. Put her into WWE's women's division and she'll have the roster bowing down to her within weeks.
11. Victor Lindelof - Model
The tattoos, height and those blue eyes, how did Lindelof ever not fall into modelling?
Let's face it, the man is a beauty. Devilishly handsome, and with Raphael Varane joining Manchester United, he might have some free time on his hands. Time for a change of pace.
10. Jesse Lingard - Dance group
Remember Diversity? Endlessly cool at the time, but definitely fallen off.
Get Lingard collaborating with them on celebrations and other routines and there's endless possibilities. The Englishman is too charismatic to be kicking a ball around. He can dance and entertain, get him on the stage.
9. Steve Bruce - Darts
A true North Eastern man, you'd back Bruce to single-handedly claw back a game of 501 in the pub on a Saturday night, no matter how many pints have been sunk.
Easy going, at prime darts age and the man to thrive off the crowd, there's a hearty run in the World Championship if he lets go of the Newcastle dream now and starts practicing.
8. Paul Pogba - Actor
The man with a thousand different haircuts, all the charisma in the world and an unworldly amount of talent, it would be a shame to see Pogba leave football.
However, the Frenchman would thrive in television and film. Be it action, drama, or the ideal family comedy, there's a spot for Pogba and his charm in Hollywood.
7. Jamie Vardy - Event planner
Employing Vardy as your stag do planner actually sounds like a terrible idea, because he'd be dangerously good at the job.
The man that does Red Bulls in bulk before games and also enjoys port to prepare for matches, Vardy is being wasted in football. Let him plan a party and you won't see anyone who attends for a week.
6. Roberto Mancini - Fashion designer
Donning the scarf on the touchline every week in Manchester, Mancini has always looked the part. And in an age where manager fashion choices are more important than ever, he's very rarely not on top.
Be it the suit and scarf combo or the blazer over the shoulder, the Italian has touchline garms in his blood. Get him out of management and into full-time fashion and the world will flood with style.
5. Dean Smith - Snooker
Smith feels very Steve Bruce, but a touch more composed.
His work in taking Aston Villa back to solid heights in the Premier League goes unnoticed. A technician, but able to blend in with the majority. Whack him in a pub snooker team and he'll have ghosted his way up to the television tournaments before you can finish your pint.
4. Jorge Mendes - Salesman
We all hate it, but the truth is that Mendes is very good at his job as an agent. He could sell ice to an eskimo. Step into one of his dealerships and you'll leave with at least three new cars, as well as a Portuguese footballer.
3. Scott Parker - The Streets tribute act
When not wowing on the touchline with his fine array of garms, Parker is busy giving wordy interviews that make him sound like Mike Skinner.
No, really. Whack a Streets tune over one of his pressers and you won't un-hear it. Original Pirate Material, you're listening to Scotty P. Get him on tour ASAP.
2. Jack Grealish - Barber
His hairstyle might not be to your taste, but with the time and effort he puts into maintaining his quiff, Grealish may as well open up his own shop.
Record-breaking cuts, you'd get the full service in there. All the top-end products, plenty of football chat and a complimentary headband if you're lucky. No expenses spared hopefully, too, considering that shiny new Manchester City wage.
1. Gareth Bale - Professional golfer
It's going to happen, isn't it? It has to.
The man that literally held up a flag reading 'Wales, golf, Madrid, in that order' used his record move to Real Madrid to win Champions Leagues and wrap up by sunning it up and playing golf as he fell out of favour. A year in the PGA World Tour is nailed on after retirement.